My Heart is Home Page 11

He held it up. “You need more lights for the deck.”

  “I do?” I asked, touched that he’d taken the time to get them for me.

  “Mmm hmm. I’ve been on your deck. Actually, I’ve hung lights on your deck.”

  We walked back inside. “On my deck?”

  “Your deck,” he confirmed. “Did Ava ever tell you about their engagement party?”

  “Yeah. I’ve seen pictures, too.”

  “Well, Jude put me in charge of decorating. There were three of us and we only had a half hour to get the furniture switched out and the lights up. It was touch and go, but we got it done. Even with me barely able to walk.”

  We cut back through the kitchen and out onto the deck. “Let me guess, you had it all planned out in advance, down to the last string of lights.”

  “Of course,” he said with a grin. “I’d also plugged each string in to make sure they all worked.”

  “Naturally,” I said. “Do you have a plan now, too?”

  “You know I do. How else would I know how many lights to buy?”

  I shook my head fondly. JP was still a planner and a perfectionist. There was no doubt my winter lights were going to be beautiful.

  “Ava could have saved us the trouble and left her lights,” I grumbled a few minutes later, as I was once again trying to untangle a new string.

  “Had she known you were going to move in, she might have,” JP stated. He was on his knees at the bottom of the deck steps, meticulously weaving the lights around the posts and through the rails.

  “At least she put Gwen’s furniture back when she took the new stuff. It’s better than nothing.”

  “Do you really think you’ll come out here much in the winter?” JP asked.

  “I’ve been out on my front porch swing almost every evening since you hung the lights. Not for very long on the really cold nights, but I still went out.”

  “Why?”

  I was pretty sure I knew why he asked. He wanted to know if it had anything to do with the fact that he’d been the one to put the lights up.

  “It was a good place to think,” I said evasively.

  “About what?” he pressed.

  “Lots of things. Being back in Hidden Creek for Christmas. Stuff I had to do at school. Christmas gifts I have to get.” I looked over to see him watching me. I swallowed hard and added, “You.”

  He smiled. “Because you couldn’t get over the fact that not a single light was out of place, right?”

  “Among other things.”

  He picked up the next string and plugged it into the first. “I’ve done plenty of thinking about you, too. I just do it from inside where it’s warm.”

  “Because you don’t have pretty lights,” I said, my stomach fluttering at his words. It was nice to know I was in his head at least a little bit.

  I got one strand of the new lights laid out for him and opened the next box. After a moment of hesitation I decided to be brave and broach a subject I’d been wondering about, because if this thing between us was going to work, I couldn’t hold back.

  “Ava said she doesn’t think you’ve dated anyone since—since me.”

  His eyes cut to mine, then back to the lights in his hands. “Ava’s right.”

  “Why? I mean, that’s a really long time to be alone.”

  He raised a shoulder in a shrug. “Guess my heart wasn’t in it.”

  “Were you, like, not going out at all, or just not serious with anyone?”

  For a moment the only sound was the rasp of the thick canvas of his coat as his sleeves moved against his sides with his wrapping motions. He made it to the top of the steps and started along the top rail.

  “You mean did I have hookups?”

  “I’m not judging,” I said quickly. “I’m just curious about how things have been for you.”

  He exhaled a short breath through his nose, almost a laugh but not quite. “Well then, to satisfy your curiosity, I’ve pretty much lived like a monk. I haven’t been with anyone since that regrettable night with you know who.”

  I frowned, wondering if I could believe him. JP was the kind of man who was propositioned by girls all the time. I’d seen it over and over when we were together. Was he telling me he’d resisted every single invitation for four years?

  He glanced at me, smiling wryly as if he was reading my mind. “I’m not the casual hookup type, Myla, I think you know that.”

  “Which makes the fact that you slept with Haley all the more shocking,” I blurted out, immediately regretting it when his expression darkened.

  “Yeah, well, I have a theory about that. But I can’t prove it so I won’t use it as an excuse.”

  I rolled my lips together. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to bring that up again.”

  He leaned his hips against the railing and looked down at where I sat cross-legged on the deck. “I loved you, Myla. I wouldn’t have risked what we had for a one-night stand. I would have never cheated on you if I was in my right mind.”

  I looked at him a little defiantly. “What if you get drunk again? Or if I do? Does that give us free passes because we weren’t in our right minds?”

  “No,” he said, wincing. “And that’s not going to happen. Not for me at least. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since that night and I never will. That mistake cost me the thing most precious to me. I’ll never repeat it.”

  Remorse hung heavy in the air. I put the lights aside and drew my knees up to my chest. “I wish I would’ve given you a chance to tell me your side of it. I should have trusted you more.”

  He let out a long breath and I saw a hint of a smile. “If we start listing all the things we should’ve done differently we’ll never get these lights hung.”

  “Then let’s not make that list. I really want these lights.”

  “And I really want dessert.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Not until the job is done,” I told him sternly.

  He held out a hand and I leaned forward and slapped a roll of lights into it. “It’ll be worth it, don’t worry.”

  “The lights or the dessert?” he asked, raising a brow.

  “Both.”

  And maybe, just maybe, these painful discussions would be worth it too, if they helped us get to where I wanted so much to be again.

  We worked on the lights together until the whole railing was lit up. JP also ran the lights down the corner posts, spacing them far apart on the way down and then splitting the difference on the way back up, so the end result was the exact same amount of space between the strands as what he was using on the rails. The man did love his symmetry.

  When we finally finished, I was shivering but pleased.

  “They’re perfect.” I looked up at him, beaming. “Thank you. I could’ve never gotten them to look like this.”

  I saw his eyes dip briefly to my mouth, but then he looked away. “So now you’ve got your winter retreat,” he said.

  “Yep.” I admired the deck for another few seconds, then turned toward the door. “Time to warm up and have dessert. You’ve certainly earned it.”

  We went inside and shed our coats and gloves. I got a pot of coffee going while he went to the half bath in the hall and washed his hands. He walked back into the kitchen as I was taking the pie from the fridge and his eyes widened.

  “Chocolate?” he asked hopefully when he spotted the whipped cream.

  “From scratch.”

  He rubbed his flat stomach. “I was hoping for that all along. You make better chocolate pie than my mom, but don’t tell her I said so.”

  I took out plates and cut a large slice of pie for him and a much smaller one for me. He carried both to the table while I readied mugs and leaned against the counter, waiting for the coffee to finish.

  “Go ahead and start, this’ll just be another minute or two.”

  He didn’t need any further prompting and took a big bite. I watched as he chewed, gratified when he gave me a smile and a nod.

  “So good,
Myla. This really is the best.”

  The coffee maker beeped and I filled the mugs and joined him at the table. We kept the conversation to safe topics, and then he totally surprised me by asking if I would want to go to a New Year’s Eve party with him.

  “A couple from my life group at church is having a bunch of people over,” he elaborated. “They have a really big house, and from what I hear, throwing a big New Year’s Eve party is tradition. Jude and Ava will be there, if that helps. And I imagine Scott and Whitney, too.”

  I could tell he was a little nervous about asking me, and I was a little nervous about saying yes. Not that I didn’t want to go, but it was one thing to get together at my place. It was a much bigger deal to show up to a major party together.

  “You don’t want to?” he asked softly when I didn’t answer.

  I nodded quickly. “I do want to. But….what will people think?”

  “That we make a cute couple?” he asked with a teasing grin.

  I kicked him lightly with my harmless sock-covered foot. “I’m serious. They’re going to think we’re—that we’re—” I couldn’t say the words.

  “Getting back together?” JP finished, seemingly having no problem with the words himself.

  I nodded and he pushed his plate away and leaned forward onto the table, his eyes holding mine.

  “I’m not gonna lie, Myla,” he said softly. “I hope that is where we’re headed. I guess I should ask whether you see that as a possibility.”

  I blinked back tears that came out of nowhere. “I’m not going to lie, either. I’m not going to pretend I don’t still have strong feelings for you. But things are different now. We’re different. What if we get back together and then realize what we’re feeling is just a holdover from the past? That we’re looking for something that isn’t there anymore?”

  He gave a slow shrug. “Then we’ll know, I guess. And at least we tried.”

  “It’s not that simple.” I looked down and crumbled a piece of pie crust with my fork. “I guess what I’m really asking is what if we get back together and I fall as hard as ever and then you realize I’m not who you want after all? I’m not sure I could handle losing you a second time.”

  I heard the rasp of his stubble against his fingers as he rubbed his jaw. “That’s not going to happen, Myla.”

  I shook my head, still not looking at him. “You don’t know that.”

  He also didn’t know that while he’d been celibate for four years, I’d spent almost a year sleeping my way through a dozen men in retaliation for the one-night stand he couldn’t even remember. What would he think of me when I told him that?

  For one brief moment I considered coming clean with him right there and then, but I couldn’t. Not tonight. I would much rather cling to the hope that we really could make it work again.

  “I’m pretty sure I do know that, but me saying the words isn’t going to convince you.” His eyes were warm as he reached out and gently took the fork from me and set it down, then sandwiched my hand between his. “I’ll prove it, though, over time, if you let me.”

  I wanted to be strong and I wanted him to see that strength. To be reassured that I was up for the journey. Instead I felt shaky and vulnerable. “I want to,” I whispered. “I’m just so scared.”

  “I’m not asking you to put anything in writing,” he said quietly. “I’m just hoping you’ll give it a chance. Spend time with me. See what happens.”

  “The one-day-at-a-time thing?” I asked, curling my fingers around his.

  “Slow and easy. I promise.”

  I gave him a slightly unsteady smile, hope blooming in spite of my fears. “Slow and easy sounds pretty good.”

  “We don’t have to go to the party if it feels like it’s too soon.”

  I put my other hand over his. “I think I want to. People might stare and whisper when we first walk in, but then they’ll get over it and we’ll have fun. Unless you have some really lame friends.”

  He chuckled. “You probably know most of them.”

  “Probably.” I pulled my hands away and stood up, carrying our plates over to the sink. “So that’s on Sunday and this is Friday.” I smiled over my shoulder at him, wondering if he’d get the hint.

  He didn’t disappoint. “If you’re implying that you don’t want whole day to pass without us getting together, I have to warn you I’m planning to paint my bedroom tomorrow evening. Actually I planned to do it this evening but I had a better offer.”

  “Why are you painting your bedroom?”

  “Because it’s currently electric blue.” He stood and brought the mugs over to me. “I guess I haven’t mentioned that my house is a fixer-upper. I chose it because it’s small and easy to take care of, and it’s up in the mountains close to Jude’s. It was livable when I bought it, but the projects have been endless. I had to prioritize, so I’ve been living with the awful blue bedroom walls while I did some of the more pressing things. But the time has come. The blue has to go.”

  “Are you thinking I could help?” I asked, loading the few dishes into the dishwasher.

  He grinned. “I’m just saying if you don’t want to go a day without seeing each other, that’s the price.”

  I folded my arms and raised my chin, accepting the challenge. “Fine. I’ll pay that price. You helped me tonight so I’ll help you tomorrow.”

  JP put the remaining pie in the fridge, licking whipped cream off his finger as he shut the door. “Can you even paint?” he asked, raising a brow at me.

  “Of course I can. I painted a beautiful paint-by-number picture in the eighth grade. Mom still has it hanging in her sewing room. It’s a bird sitting on a lilac branch.”

  His eyes narrowed and his lips parted, but no words came out. I burst out laughing.

  “I’m kidding, JP. I mean, I did paint that picture, but I’ve painted walls, too. I helped Mom and Dad do a few rooms once, and when I moved off-base I painted the whole apartment in exchange for a reduction in the first month’s rent. And did a fine job, I might add.”

  “Good to know,” he said, relieved. “I won’t get started until late afternoon. Jude and I are going to meet at the office first to work on that bid. His schedule is tight next week so we want to get a few kinks worked out tomorrow. I should be home by four or so if you want to come over then.”

  “Sure. It’ll be nice to have something to do. Christmas break is getting a little long.”

  His ears perked up at that. “Well, if you’re gonna be bored here, I have no problem with you going over early to get started. I can have everything ready for you.”

  “You trust me to come to your house for the first time all by myself?” I asked skeptically. “I could snoop through everything and you’d never know.”

  He held up his hands, palms out. “Nothing to hide. You can snoop through whatever you want.”

  “Do we have to paint the ceiling? Because I admit I’m not great at ceilings.”

  “No, it’s already white. So is the trim. It needs a few touch-ups, but I can do that later. I’ll move all the furniture to the center of the room and set out the paint, tape, and drop cloths.” His lips curled up in a teasing smile. “Then whenever you’re done snooping you can get started.”

  I laughed and handed him a pad of sticky notes. “Works for me. Write down your address.”

  He did, then told me where the key would be as he put on his coat. We were halfway to the front door when I decided to go back and get the rest of the pie for him to take home. He accepted without argument.

  “Thanks again for your help with the lights. I love them.”

  “I’ll work for food any time,” he assured me. “Oh, and I’ll pick up something for supper tomorrow, since you’ll be working for me.”

  “Sounds good.” I pulled open the door. “Drive safely.”

  I tried to act all casual and unconcerned, like it hadn’t even entered my mind that he might give me a hug, or possibly even a quick goodnight kiss.

&
nbsp; Unfortunately, he acted equally casual and left with only a light squeeze of my shoulder.

  It was for the best, I knew that, because slow and easy didn’t include a kiss after our first evening together. But I had to admit, the mere thought of experiencing JP Keller’s kiss again was enough to send a shiver from the top of my head all the way down to my toes.

  Yeah. He was that good.

  Chapter 13

  I

  left my house at one o’clock the next day, and the whole drive to JP’s seemed completely surreal. There was the ever-present and niggling doubt as to whether I should be embarking on this new phase with him, but I was trying hard to ignore it because I was so tired of going around and around and around with myself on the issue.

  I tried to concentrate on the fact that we both wanted this, and we wanted it to happen in a healthy way. A way that moved us forward, not back. Last night I’d slipped and mentioned Haley again, but not tonight. Tonight was going to be all about getting used to each other again. Getting to know who we were now. Slow and easy.

  I followed my phone’s GPS to his house. According to the display, it was a thirty-three-minute drive. JP had texted me just before I left to warn me again that the place still needed a lot of work, so I shouldn’t expect too much. I reminded him I lived in a grandma house and liked it just fine, so there was basically no chance I’d either judge or be disappointed.

  When I was almost there he sent another text that made me smile.

  JP: It’s nice knowing I’ll come home to you. What do you want on the pizza?

  I waited until I pulled up to his house to reply.

  Me: Pepperoni is mandatory. You choose the rest. I’ll pick it off if I don’t like it.

  I got out of my car, smiling widely as I scrutinized his house. This place was so JP. A smallish log structure tucked into the trees, sturdy and symmetrical, with an impressive gable that was almost all glass. Since there didn’t appear to be a second story, that meant he had high sloping ceilings and rooms filled with afternoon sun. I couldn’t wait to see inside.

  I found the key he’d put under the flowerpot on the porch and opened the door, expecting to see a half-finished fixer-upper at best. Instead, I found myself in the spacious great room of a lovely, cozy home. The log walls were gorgeous, the ceilings as high as I’d imagined and complimented with rustic beams along with tasteful light fixtures and fans that I was pretty sure were brand new. JP’s work no doubt.