My Soul Loves Read online

  His eyes bored into mine. “What if this person looks for another way to get at you now that you’ve moved?”

  “I’ll be okay,” I said, trying to sound confident because I didn’t want to even think about that. “I’m safe in Hidden Creek. Let me get a look at the DVR tomorrow, then we’ll decide what’s next. Okay?”

  I think he realized I was done talking about it. I had to be, or I was going to lose the battle for control of my emotions.

  His gaze softened as he nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll help you however I can. You know that, right?”

  I could tell he meant it, but it felt like too much to ask of a brand-new friend. “Maybe you should rethink that,” I said, hoping he didn’t listen. “This is a pretty crappy situation to get caught up in on our first date.” I gave him a sad smile. “There’s still time to escape.”

  His grin was slow and easy. “Now that wouldn’t be very neighborly, would it?”

  I looked down because he was just too potent—he made me feel too much. I smoothed my dress over my thighs and cleared my throat. “You’re not actually my neighbor. You’re just staying with my neighbors.”

  “Well, sure, if you want to get technical about it. Doesn’t matter, though. I’m not going to bail on you.”

  I was all kinds of relieved to hear that, but I felt the need to warn him one more time. “If they stole my work, I could end up unemployed. An outcast in the hacking world. A geek without a community.”

  Jude’s chuckle brought a little bit of warmth back to my insides. “I can’t imagine your team will abandon you,” he said. “And they shouldn’t blame you, either. I mean, who checks for hidden spy cams in their house, anyway?”

  “I’m sure some people do. I know I will from now on.”

  He grunted. “I think it’s safe to say we’ll both be a little paranoid about that from now on.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and his hands clasped between them. “You’re sure there’s nothing we can do now? Before your stuff gets here?”

  “Nothing but fret about it,” I said on a sigh.

  “Hmm. Fretting’s not good.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, then stood and held out his hand. “Come on. I’ll find something to take your mind off things.”

  “You don’t have to,” I told him hastily, regretting all over again that such a perfect afternoon had been interrupted by my issues. “Really. You can just take me home.”

  He wiggled his fingers. “Come, Ava. I already know where we’re going.”

  I hesitated for a second longer, then took his hand. He locked the front door of the house and helped me up into his truck. As we drove back down the mountain, I was quiet. Jude probably thought I was dwelling on the camera stuff, but I wasn’t. I was thinking about him.

  Now that I’d seen how strong and supportive he could be in a stressful situation, I knew it would be all too easy to grow to depend on him too much. To get used to him being around every day. Once he moved back here, though, to his beautiful house, it wouldn’t be nearly as easy to get together. Would he even want to make the effort?

  He’d already told me he worked a lot of hours and that he liked staying home in the evenings. What were the chances he’d want to add frequent drives to Hidden Creek to his routine? Or even have me make the drive here to invade his quiet evenings?

  I had to prepare myself. When I was no longer the girl next door, Jude might no longer be interested.

  That thought gave me a sinking feeling. Everything in me wanted to keep spending time with this man. He was completely different from the guys I’d dated in the past. Way more interesting and confident. Way sweeter and funnier. Way more handsome. Bigger and stronger—the list was never ending. I’d never experienced an attraction like this, not even close, and I desperately wanted to see where it led.

  It might be selfish, but I didn’t want Jude to move home and get back to his regular life. I wanted him to stay in mine.

  ***

  As it turned out, the town of Mountain View had a thing called Summer Sunday Music in the Park, and that’s where Jude took me. We walked hand in hand from his truck to the park grounds, where a crowd of what looked like a few hundred people were being treated to the music of a talented bluegrass band.

  Most of the people had taken up residence in the large expanse of grass in front of the open-air stage, comfortably lounging on blankets or perched in lawn chairs, heads bobbing and feet tapping to the tunes. Others were wandering through the park, enjoying the beautiful late afternoon weather, many with dogs and kids. Quite a number were standing in line at a variety of food trucks which were selling everything from barbecue and tacos to elephant ear pastries.

  Jude couldn’t have chosen a more perfect activity to distract me from my problems. The music was lively and fun, the people-watching was entertaining, and the elephant ear he bought me, topped with lots of cinnamon and sugar, was divine.

  While I ate, savoring each bite, we sat on a bench on the edge of a large man-made pond, complete with fountains and ducks. Jude kept me entertained with stories about things he and Chase had gotten into as kids, and when I realized my cheeks were getting sore from smiling, I was overwhelmed by a sense of intense gratitude.

  I swallowed the last bite of my pastry and stood up. When he joined me, I slid an arm around his waist and pressed my face into his shoulder.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  He knew I wasn’t thanking him for the elephant ear. His arm came around my shoulders and pulled me closer, until his chin was resting on the top of my head. “It’s gonna be okay,” he murmured. “We’ll figure it out.”

  It should have sounded strange to hear the “we” in his statement, considering I’d known him for such a short time. It didn’t, though. It sounded right and welcome. It also made me hopeful that he was feeling at least a little bit of what I was.

  We stayed at the park until the band started packing up. For the last hour we relaxed on a blanket Jude had retrieved from the back seat of his truck. We’d alternated between talking and listening to the music. Part of the conversation was about our college years, and he seemed genuinely impressed that I’d played volleyball at the collegiate level, even though my school was Division III.

  Then he had the idea of me running a volleyball clinic at the youth center where he volunteered. They had regular basketball and indoor soccer games already, and he thought volleyball would be a good addition. He promised to round up a net and balls if I agreed to give it a shot.

  That sounded like a ton of fun, so I told him of course I would. He promised to talk to the woman who ran the center and have her set it up. I hoped he’d be volunteering at the same time as my clinic. I wouldn’t mind seeing him in action on the basketball court.

  As the crowd started moving toward the parking lot, we got up and he folded the blanket.

  “I think I like small-town life,” I said as we ambled back toward where he’d parked the truck.

  “I’m sure you had parks in DC.”

  “Lots of them, and there were concerts and things all the time. But parking was always awful, and the vibe wasn’t the same. Here there’s a sense of community—people actually know each other.” I smiled up at him. “At least a dozen people stopped you to say hello. I like that.”

  He chuckled. “I can guarantee that this community is wondering about you right now. I don’t come to Music in the Park very often, and I’ve never brought a girl.”

  He’d introduced me to everyone as “his friend Ava”, but they’d probably assumed I was his girlfriend. I wished it was true. I was crazy about him—more so with each minute that passed. It was wonderful and scary.

  I shrugged off the ongoing fear that his interest would wane when he moved back here.

  “I’m glad you brought me. It was exactly what I needed.”

  “I thought it might be.”

  We stopped at his truck and he grabbed the handle of my door, but before he could open it, I put my hand over his.

&
nbsp; “I’m also glad I was with you when I got that call. If I would’ve been home alone, I’d probably still be huddled in a corner crying. You kept me from overreacting and made me see that even though it really, really sucks, it’s not the end of the world. Thank you for that. And if you think about it, say a prayer or two. That’s probably what I need most right now.”

  His eyes moved over my face before holding steady on mine. “I’ve been praying for you every day since we met, Ava,” he said softly.

  My heart turned over. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I held back. It was too soon.

  “Thanks,” I whispered, leaving it at that. Then I stepped back so he could open the door.

  We talked some on the way back to Hidden Creek, but for the most part we just watched the passing scenery in comfortable silence. It was a beautiful evening, and I didn’t want it to end. Didn’t want reality to intrude in the form of a Monday morning with a truck full of expensive computer equipment that would beckon me back to work—not to mention a confiscated DVR that needed to be investigated.

  When he pulled into my drive I looked at him hopefully. “Do you want to come in? There’s a lot of ice cream left from yesterday. We could eat it out on the deck and enjoy this beautiful weather a little while longer.”

  He gave me a sideways glance, his eyes glinting. “Are you sure you want to share it with me? Because you sure didn’t part with much of that elephant ear.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Hey, I told you you should probably get your own. You’re lucky I gave you those three bites.”

  He chuckled and got out of the truck, and I was pretty sure I had my answer about whether he wanted to come in. Sure enough, he walked me up to the door and followed me inside. A few minutes later we each had a bowl of ice cream and were settled at the table outside. It was a little rusty and rickety, but I’d given it a good washing and it would do until I had time to find a whole new patio set.

  Jude insisted we look at the security doors he’d picked out so he could get one ordered. I didn’t argue. With everything else that was going on, it seemed the prudent thing to do.

  We put our heads together once again, bent over the table as he pointed out the pros and cons of the three doors he’d picked out. We agreed on one pretty quickly, and he promised to get a rush put on it. He also said he’d already talked to Chase about helping with the installation and that was a go.

  “I didn’t tell him anything more than I had to. Just that you do some government work and have to take precautions.”

  “Thanks, but I’m actually okay with him and Hannah knowing as much as I’ve told you. I don’t want them to wonder what I’m up to over here.”

  “You can trust them,” he assured me. “They’re two of the best people I’ve ever met.” He smiled fondly. “I’m really pumped about them having a kid. I wish they’d tell me already so we could celebrate.”

  I winced. “Are you going to confess that you’ve already known for a while?”

  “Eventually, but not right away. I want them to think I was surprised.”

  We finished our ice cream and went back inside, putting our dishes in the sink.

  He leaned back against the counter, his hands gripping the edge on either side of him. “I should go,” he said, sounding regretful. “I have a couple hours of paperwork I need to get done before I can call it a day. Some stuff I didn’t get finished on Friday.”

  “Okay.” I looked down at the floor and slid the toe of my sandal along a grout line. “Thanks again for taking so much time for me today. You really were a life saver.”

  “I don’t want you to start dwelling on those cameras the minute I walk out the door, Ava,” he said softly. “Worrying won’t solve anything. I know it’s hard, but you need to try to let it go until tomorrow when Harv gets here.” He reached out and wound a strand of my hair around his finger. “If you’re over here worrying, I’m going to be over there worrying, and then neither of us will get any sleep.”

  I swallowed hard then managed a smile, very aware of him and very much wishing he’d hold me the way he had at his house. “I’ll do my best to put it out of my head,” I promised him. “I want us both to be able to sleep.”

  I looked up at him just in time to see a muscle jerk in his jaw. My pulse rate immediately rocketed up and I suddenly knew he wanted to kiss me—maybe as bad as I wanted him to. I held my breath and waited, hoping he wouldn’t talk himself out of it again.

  He let go of my hair and slid his hand down my arm. “Maybe having something else to think about would help,” he suggested, his eyes burning into mine.

  I took a half-step toward him. I didn’t give it conscious thought before I did it, I just wanted to be closer to him. And oh yes, I desperately wanted something else to think about.

  He brought his hands up to curve around my neck, running his thumbs along my jaw. I timidly hooked my hands around his biceps, wondering if it was okay for a good, Christian girl to want a kiss this badly. I hoped so, because I couldn’t help it.

  “You’re shaking,” he whispered.

  I nodded. Because I want this. I need this. And I’m afraid you’ll change your mind.

  His thumbs stilled and my heart pounded in my ears as he slowly lowered his head until his lips were on mine, light and not moving, just pressed there for the moment, as if he was savoring this first touch as much as I was.

  “So sweet,” he said, lifting his head only slightly. He kissed me again, another light touch. This time when he raised his head, his eyes were a deep, smoldering blue. “This might backfire on us, Ava,” he muttered, his gaze roaming my face as one hand slid through my hair to cradle the back of my head. “This is gonna cause just as much lost sleep as worrying about you.”

  And then his mouth was on mine again. Harder this time. Exploring. Tasting. Testing how much I wanted to give.

  Oh, I wanted to give….I wanted to give a lot. I was filled all the way up with emotion and sensation, every nerve ending alive and wanting. I felt like I’d never been kissed before. I’d gone through the motions, but I’d never known what it could be like. That it could be like this.

  I pushed up onto my toes and held tighter to his arms, increasing the pressure of our lips, catching my breath when he changed the angle to go deeper.

  Oh. Wow. Jude. He kissed me slow and deep and sweet.

  It was a revelation to me—this all-consuming desire. I would never go back on my vow to stay pure for my husband, not even for Jude. But for the first time, I knew what it was like to be truly tempted.

  When he finally eased away, I had to work to get my eyes to open. I knew I looked as dazed as I felt, but there was no help for it. The man had conquered me.

  He drew in a long breath through his nose and let it out slowly. “You okay?” he asked quietly, his hands settling on my shoulders, thumbs in the hollows of my collarbone.

  I nodded mutely and shivered.

  “You sure?”

  I worked my swollen lips into a smile then slid my arms around his waist and dropped my forehead against his chest. His arms came around to hold me securely against him.

  “You’re a little overwhelming, Jude,” I said against his shirt. “You make me feel like I’ve never been kissed before.”

  “Same,” he said, bringing one hand up to the back of my head, his fingers moving lazily back and forth across my scalp.

  I gave a little huff of laughter. “I doubt you even remember your first kiss.”

  “Of course I do,” he said, tugging my hair gently until my face was turned up to his. His blue gaze was intense. “It wasn’t near as good as my last one, though.”

  I blinked up at him and used his word. “Same.”

  That intense gaze moved to my mouth and my heart started pounding again, but then he closed his eyes briefly and loosened his arms. A slight smile curved the lips whose feel I now knew—and wanted to know again. A thousand more times. Ten thousand.

  “I have to go, Ava.”

/>   I nodded. “I know. Paperwork.”

  “Yeah, but I also need to spend some serious time on my knees,” he said, his smile turning wry. “I need to beg the good Lord for the strength to resist my beautiful neighbor.”

  He stepped away from me and I clasped my hands tightly. “You want to resist me?” I asked worriedly.

  He shook his head slowly. “Not entirely. But I need to resist the temptation to take things further than I should. I don’t want any regrets to get in the way of what we’re building here.”

  I let the sweetness of his words sink in for a moment. Jude Keller wanted to build something. With me.

  I bit my lip so I didn’t smile too big. “I’m down with that,” I said, knowing my eyes were sparkling, giving away just how much I was down with it.

  For a second I thought he was going to kiss me again, and there was little doubt I would let him. He took a step back instead, and I tried to be grateful for his self-control. I did notice he shoved his hands firmly in his pockets, and I hoped that meant it wasn’t easy for him.

  “Let’s talk about tomorrow,” he said abruptly, taking me aback with his swift change of subject. “I have a walk-through of the office complex we’re building at four-thirty. It’s with one of the owners, and I need it to happen because he has to make some decisions before we start the next phase. Unfortunately, that means I won’t get back here until close to seven, which I hate. If it wasn’t for that meeting, I’d take off after lunch and be here when your truck comes.”

  I smiled because he was as sweet as he was handsome. “I’ll be fine, Jude. Really. Besides, the truck will be here early, like ten o’clock-ish.”

  “And the movers will carry everything upstairs for you?”

  “Yep. They’ll carry it up and assemble whatever I want them to. I’ll have them put my vertical racks together and load the servers and switches on them, but I’ll do all the cabling and configuring myself.” I smiled teasingly. “Too bad you can’t be here for that. You’d no doubt find it fascinating.”