My Heart is Home Page 2

  You rock, Ava, I said to myself. She really was trying to make this day as easy on me as she possibly could—even though she’d admitted earlier that she wished JP and I would talk things out. She was convinced it would bring us both some closure, but I was pretty sure it would just make all the anger and hurt feel fresh and raw. I had zero desire to go down that path again.

  I was so thankful for Derek’s shielding presence, even though I feared we wouldn’t be together a week from now. I’d held out hope that coming here would bring the realization that I was truly over JP, which would clear the way for Derek and me. Instead I was a total basket case and a long way from putting my past to rest.

  It sucked and was totally unfair to Derek, but how could I try to build a relationship with a new guy when so much of my heart was still cold and black because of the old one? Would I ever be free of the inexplicable hold JP Keller had on me? Would Derek and I have had a fighting chance, if not for this wedding?

  Probably not, to be totally honest, but I could have at least pretended for a little while longer.

  “They’re coming in,” Hannah announced as Derek and I reached the table. “Look at those smiles.” She rubbed her little baby bump unconsciously as she spoke, grinning up at Chase. “Did we look that happy on our wedding day?”

  “We still look that happy,” he said sweetly, putting his hand on top of hers before dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

  I turned to see the smiles they were talking about, but instead my gaze landed on the man who was just stepping into the tent twenty feet away.

  JP.

  My first thought was how can he look even better than I remembered? Then someone greeted him and his white teeth flashed in a smile. I sucked in a breath and felt my entire body flushing in reaction. I wanted to look away. I tried to look away. But I was helpless.

  That smile. That’s all it took to crumble my defenses and send me right back to the most beautiful, intoxicating, wonderful time of my life. The time when I’d loved a man with my entire being and thought he loved me back just as much. From our first date, JP had been my present and my future and I’d ceased to envision life without him.

  Then he tore my heart out and stomped on it.

  I grabbed onto the table and stared, vaguely aware that Derek had circled around the table to our seats and was waiting for me to catch up. I couldn’t, though, because I couldn’t look away from JP.

  I drank him in, my throat aching with emotion. He was so beautiful. The tall, strong body in the perfectly cut gray suit with a tie that matched my dress. The dark blond hair, the navy blue eyes, the smile on lips I’d tasted so many times.

  He laughed and I heard it through a hundred people talking. At least I thought I did. Maybe it was just from memory. And then he went still and his head turned in my direction, as if he’d felt my gaze.

  His eyes locked with mine and for a long moment we just stared. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking—I didn’t even know what I was thinking. It was too much to process in the moment. Then his eyes slid to my right, to where Derek waited, and when they returned to me I sensed something that felt very much like…anger.

  Wait…what? He was mad? At me?

  My eyes narrowed and my breaths quickened. How dare he be mad! He was the one who had ruined everything!

  “Myla. Myla!”

  I gradually became aware of Derek trying to get my attention. Just as JP took a step in my direction I wrenched my eyes from his and turned back to Derek, aware that I probably looked like I’d seen a ghost.

  Derek’s brows drew together. “Are you okay? Do you need some more water?” He held out his hand. “Come around here and sit down. You look like you could faint.”

  I joined him on the other side of the table and took my seat, mumbling something about how getting up before dawn was catching up with me. Derek took the bottle of water from my weak grasp and unscrewed the lid. I obediently took a drink, assuring him I was fine now that I was sitting down.

  I refused to let my gaze return to JP, but I was aware of him approaching the head table. I heard his low voice as he greeted Hannah and I shuddered at the impact of it. I’d loved him so much. With my whole heart and soul. Why had he thrown it all away?

  I was jolted out of my near stupor when Ava and Jude took their seats. She leaned over toward me and whispered, “You okay?”

  “Of course,” I said quickly. “Don’t worry about me. This is your night.”

  She looked a little uncertain, like she knew I was lying, but then Jude drew her attention away and I gave a silent sigh of relief.

  A minute later plates of food were placed in front of us by the catering staff. I ate small bites, going through the motions but tasting nothing. Once Derek was assured I wasn’t going to faint he gave up trying to engage me in conversation and concentrated on his food, which he ate with gusto. It was only then that I realized we’d skipped lunch in our haste to get here from the airport, and Derek hadn’t complained once.

  He really was a good guy.

  The meal took a while, and by the time it was over I’d regained most of my equilibrium. Which was a huge relief considering I had to make a speech. Thankfully I’d written it all out because there was no way I could wing it.

  The DJ brought a microphone over and handed it to JP. He stood and gave a short but moving speech about his brother, and then they embraced, causing their mom to shed a few proud tears. I didn’t look over at JP, not even a glance, but I smiled and clapped along with everyone else when it was over.

  The microphone was passed to me and I tried not to think about it being warm from JP’s grasp. I stood and read my speech, gratified when people laughed at the parts I’d hoped would be funny. At the end, I got a little sentimental.

  “It’s been eighteen years since our eight-year-old selves met in Sunday School class at Hidden Creek United Methodist Church. That was the first of seven summers you spent here with your Grandma Gwen, and even though our friendship has been long distance all the rest of the time, I’ve always felt closer to you than to any other friend I’ve ever had. I’m pretty sure our texts, phone calls, and emails have surpassed the ten thousand mark, and I hope Jude understands that when I call or text, you need to drop everything to answer.”

  That got another laugh. I finished by telling Jude he was a lucky man and I knew this night was the start of a wonderful life together for Mr. and Mrs. Jude Keller.

  The crowd clapped while Ava and Jude both hugged me, and Derek smiled proudly and whispered “great job” when I finally sat back down.

  Next came the cutting of the cake and then the first dance. The song they’d chosen was beautiful, and I soaked a tissue with tears while they swayed together, lost in their own world. After that, Jude danced with his mother and Ava with her dad, then the DJ cranked up the music and opened the floor to everyone, encouraging us to get out there and let off some steam.

  A pretty young woman I didn’t know made a beeline to our table, her eyes fixed on JP. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him stand and walk around the table to meet her, presumably for a dance.

  I instantly despised the woman, then despised myself for feeling that way.

  Chin up, Myla. Only a couple more hours, then you can fall apart.

  Derek forked up the last bite of his cake then stood and eagerly held out his hand to me. “Ready to ‘let off some steam?’” he asked with a grin.

  I couldn’t help but smile. The man loved to dance, and since I’d dragged him all this way to the wedding of people he didn’t know, how could I refuse him at least a little bit of fun?

  I put down my napkin, gulped a fortifying drink of cool water, then took his hand and let him lead me to the rapidly filling dance floor. It was going to be an easy gig for the DJ. This crowd was ready to cut loose.

  Derek and I danced to a couple of songs and I began to relax—probably because JP was nowhere to be seen. I’d caught a glimpse of him and the girl at the beginning of the first song, but not s
ince. By the third song, the music and movement had pushed thoughts of JP aside enough that I was able to enjoy myself for the first time since I’d arrived.

  When Derek and I were both ready for a break, we went to sit at my parents’ table for a while. They were very sweet to Derek, and I could tell they hoped his being here meant I was finally moving past JP.

  I caught Mom looking at me wistfully a few times and I knew she could hardly believe I was really here. She would completely freak out if I told her I was sorely tempted to move back to Hidden Creek instead of reenlisting.

  I couldn’t tell her that, though, could I? I mean, yeah, being back was tearing at my heart-strings something fierce. I’d really, really missed this place and all the people here, and yet I had a successful new life far away. I enjoyed the work I did for the army and I had a good chance of making sergeant in the next year. Even if I was willing to give that up, there was still the pesky fact that JP lived here. I couldn’t spend my life hiding from him. Been there, done that. It had led to me enlisting in the United States Army to escape him. Drastic, yes, but effective. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

  Aunt Donna came over to join us and she and Mom started talking about an acquaintance of theirs who was in the hospital. While they chatted, Mom leaned over until our shoulders were pressed together. I don’t think she did it consciously, she just wanted to be close to me while I was still around.

  It was nice sitting there with her, and it kept me thinking about coming home to Hidden Creek. Was there a way I could make it work? Did I really want to? Was JP the only thing holding me back?

  I stifled a groan as my mind whirled with possibilities. Pros and cons and everything in between. Before today, signing the reenlistment papers had seemed a cut-and-dried decision. I’d been assured I could stay in Arizona for the next two years, and since Derek would be staying too, it had seemed like the logical thing to do.

  Logical was good, right? Logical meant the decision made sense. I liked logical.

  Then I’d come home for this wonderful but totally unexpected wedding and now everything felt different. My heart no longer wanted the same thing as my head.

  My head said it would be crazy to give up my army career. My heart wanted to be here. With my people.

  Aunt Donna soon moved on to another table and Mom put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

  “I wish I could sit here with you all night,” she said. “It feels so right to have you back in town.”

  I nodded, feeling the prick of tears. “It does feel right. Honestly, Mom, I didn’t realize how much I missed this place until today.”

  “How long can you stay?”

  “Just a couple of days. Derek doesn’t have as much leave time saved up as I do.”

  She tried to hide her disappointment. “Maybe now that you’ve come back the first time, it won’t be so long till you come again.”

  “You could be right about that,” I said. “With you and Ava both nagging me, I might even decide to come home for Christmas.” If I don’t move back before then, my stubborn heart added.

  “I’m going to hold you to that,” Mom said eagerly. “I know we were together last year, but Christmas in Arizona just isn’t the same.”

  “I know.” I gave her a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I’ve made you travel every time you wanted to see me these past few years. I just couldn’t face coming back. Leave it to Ava to force the issue.”

  “Is it as bad as you thought it would be?” Mom asked softly, glancing over at Derek to make sure he was still involved in a conversation with my dad.

  I knew she meant seeing JP. She was still hesitant to mention his name to me, but that’s what she was asking about.

  “Yes and no,” I said with a shrug. I was going to elaborate a little bit but stopped when someone called my name.

  I turned and saw Whitney Thompson making her way over to me. I jumped up and grinned at the girl I’d known since birth and roomed with for two years in college.

  “Hey, Whitney,” I said, going in for a hug. “You look fantastic. Didn’t I hear you and Scott had a baby a few months ago?”

  “Sure did. Brooklyn Marie. She’s four months old now and let me tell you, getting into this dress was a challenge.” She playfully swished the skirt of her blush-colored dress. “But with the help of my Spanx, I managed, so I’m going to consider it a win.”

  I laughed at her posing. “I love the dress. Are you still teaching?”

  She took my arm and led me to a quieter area of the tent so we could catch up without having to shout.

  “Yes, I’m still teaching. Just started my fourth year. I love it, but it’s definitely harder with a little one at home.” She gave me a speculative look. “You know, Myla, I really wish you would’ve stuck around here and given teaching a chance. I’m sure you’re doing great in the army, but we have such a shortage of teachers in this area. You would’ve been such a natural.” She grinned. “Not to mention a fun co-worker.”

  Her words took me by surprise. Not only because she’d broached the taboo subject of me leaving town, but because it had been so long since anyone had talked to me about teaching. No one in my “new” life knew that’s what I’d gone to school for.

  Whitney and I had both graduated college with degrees in elementary education, and both of us had hoped to get jobs at the local K-5 school that fall. I had to get through the summer first though, and with student loans staring me in the face, I took a summer job at the bank in Hidden Creek. I was a temporary teller, filling in for a woman who was taking an extended maternity leave. I never intended for the job to last longer than the summer, but after a month, bank management had offered me a position in the mortgage department at a salary that was quite a bit more than I could make teaching.

  Whitney and my mom had both been really disappointed when I accepted the job, but I couldn’t turn down the extra money. I promised them I wasn’t giving up on teaching; this was just a detour until I was a little more financially sound. I figured I’d be at the bank two or three years at most.

  Then JP had happened. Hello, army.

  “Seriously, Myla,” Whitney was saying, “if you ever decide to move back, you should give teaching a shot. It’s a lot of work but so rewarding. I feel sure you’d enjoy it.”

  “Hmm. Maybe,” I said noncommittally, although my mind was already churning with possibilities. I hadn’t thought about teaching for a long time now, but I couldn’t deny it held some appeal.

  “Do you ever think about it?” she wondered. “Coming back, I mean. Does life in Hidden Creek hold any appeal or do we seem kind of backwards now that you’ve seen the world?”

  I smiled, appreciating the fact that if Whitney wanted to know something, she asked straight out. No tiptoeing through the tulips for this girl.

  In return, I gave her a completely honest answer. “No, Whit, it doesn’t seem backwards at all. It seems like heaven. I honestly didn’t realize how much I’ve missed this place until today.”

  Her brows shot up and her hazel eyes sparkled. “Does that mean coming back isn’t totally out of the realm of possibility?”

  I gave her a wistful smile. “I don’t know. It would be so great to live close to my parents again. And to you and Ava and the other friends from school who are still around. I could get excited about the idea of teaching too. But I don’t see how it could work. There’s just a lot—” I paused and swallowed, the pain of seeing JP again flooding back. “A lot has happened, you know? It would be hard.”

  “I understand,” she said sympathetically, “but I hate it. I hate that you ever left in the first place, and I hate that you can’t come home.”

  “Yeah, well, in an ideal world…” I said ruefully, leaving the sentence hanging.

  Whitney’s eyes moved to a point above my head and widened slightly.

  Chapter 3

  “O

  h, hello there, JP,” Whitney said smoothly. “You’re looking handsome this evening. Wasn’t
the wedding just perfect? I’m sure you’re thrilled for Jude.”

  “I am.”

  His voice sent a shiver through me and I slowly turned to face him, dread heavy within me.

  “I was just telling Myla how wonderful it would be if she’d move back to Hidden Creek,” Whitney said, and this time I wasn’t quite as impressed with her tendency to just put things out there. “If you ask me, it’s a shame she ever left.”

  JP’s beautiful blue eyes glittered as our gazes met and I couldn’t look away.

  “Can we talk?” he asked, his expression hard.

  “I should get back to Derek,” I said quickly.

  “It won’t take long,” JP said, and then his hand was on the small of my back, urging me to walk with him.

  Whitney looked worried, which ironically gave me a burst of courage. I absolutely refused to let JP make me look weak and pitiful in front of the people here. It was bad enough that they all knew he’d driven me away. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking I was still so affected by him that we couldn’t have a simple conversation.

  “Sure, why not? I’ll talk to you later, Whitney,” I said breezily. “Maybe we can grab some coffee before I leave town.”

  “I’ll call you to set a time,” she said, giving me a tiny nod of approval as she backed away.

  The pressure of JP’s hand increased as we walked to the edge of the tent and then beyond, out into the cooling night air. When he stopped, I immediately stepped away from his touch.

  “I really do need to find my date soon,” I said shortly.

  The glow of light coming from the tent illuminated his face enough for me to see the muscle that jumped in his jaw.