My Heart is Home Read online

  “I could just call them winter lights.”

  His slow smile made my pulse speed up and I looked down, scuffing the snow with the toe of my boot. “Well, thanks again. I had fun.”

  “Me too. Take care, Myla.”

  I glanced up and nodded. “Yeah. I will. You too.” My voice sounded a little strangled due to a sudden onset of panic. This sounded like a pretty final good-bye. Was this it for him? As in mission accomplished, now I can move on—with the mission being as simple as making peace so we could both go to the same events?

  He took a step away, then turned back around, his eyes locking with mine. I shivered because that look said no, it was not that simple.

  His words confirmed it. “And just in case you’re wondering, we’re not done here. Not by a longshot.” He raised his hand and twined a strand of my hair gently around his finger. “I swore to myself I wouldn’t pressure you, so the next move is yours, okay?” He smiled crookedly. “Unless you take too long.”

  My heart felt lodged in my throat as I stared up at him. He’d never looked more handsome to me and all I wanted was to step into his arms and just let him hold me. Heal me. Because he was the only one who could.

  But I held back…pretty sure that wasn’t the kind of move he was talking about.

  “Okay,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

  He smiled once more and left.

  I climbed the porch steps on shaky-weak legs, then sank down onto the swing, my mind full of all things JP. Today had been everything I’d hardly dared to hope for. We’d faced the problems in our past head-on. We’d said the hard things, admitted our mistakes, and I felt a thousand pounds lighter as a result. That was all great and wonderful…only I had no idea what came next. JP wanted me to make the next move, but what did that mean?

  I pondered that under the glow of my beloved lights for a while, until a chilly wind chased me inside. The clock in my hall said it was dinner time so I headed to the kitchen and scrounged up a salad. I ate it in front of the TV, hoping a mindless show would help me recover from my emotional overload.

  Fifteen minutes later I still had no idea what I was even watching—all I could think about was JP and what my “next move” was going to be. Given the choice, I would’ve preferred he not hand the responsibility over to me, although it was sweet of him to want to make sure I was comfortable with whatever came next.

  I told myself there was no rush to decide what I was going to do. I needed to give myself time to process everything and figure out whether I was ready for JP and Myla take two. That truly was the big question, because the way I saw it, it was all or nothing for us. If I chose the “all” route, I had to be confident and willing to fully commit to giving it a chance. I couldn’t get sidetracked by every little doubt or misgiving.

  If I chose to go for nothing, that’s exactly what I’d have. Nothing but regrets.

  ***

  I chose “all” and I only held out for two days before making contact. So much for taking my time.

  Chapter 12

  “I

  have an idea.” That’s what I said as soon as JP answered the phone. I was so nervous I literally forgot to say hello.

  His low chuckle made me shiver. “Hey, Myla. Good to hear from you. What kind of idea?”

  “I’m thinking we can take the lights from the front porch and put them on my back deck. Then I can keep enjoying them without bothering the neighbors with my tackiness.”

  The smile was still in his voice. “Sounds doable. And when do we make the switch?”

  “I’m flexible. Whenever it works for you. I mean, if you even want to,” I added hastily.

  “I’d love to,” he assured me. “I can’t tonight because my dad asked me to help him with some things at the house, but tomorrow is good for me. What time?”

  I bit my lip. This was the tricky part. I wanted to invite him for dinner, but if I did, I was basically making it clear that this wasn’t just a casual light-hanging encounter. This was me wanting to spend the evening with him. But then again, he probably knew that already.

  “I was thinking maybe seven. That way you don’t have to rush after work.”

  “Works for me.”

  “And, um, I might as well make dinner so you don’t have to worry about grabbing something in between.”

  There was the slightest of pauses that screamed message received.

  “I’d like that,” he said softly.

  I felt my whole body getting warm. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you then.”

  “Yes, you will. Tomorrow at seven. Bye, Myla.”

  “Bye, JP.”

  I hung up and let my phone fall onto my lap, exhaling a long breath of relief. I’d done it. I’d made the next move. Now I could only hope I wouldn’t regret it.

  ***

  Later in the evening, Hannah and her little wiener dog, Lulu, showed up at my back door. There was a gate in our shared fence and we used it frequently, but she usually didn’t show up without calling first.

  “Hey, Myla. Can I borrow some sugar?”

  I gave her a narrow-eyed look as I stood back to let them in. Lulu bounded into the kitchen, sniffing for a treat.

  “You actually need sugar?” I asked skeptically.

  “No. I mean, yes, I’m out of sugar, but I don’t really need any at this very moment.”

  I put my hands on my hips. “Spit it out, girlfriend. Why are you really here?”

  She chuckled. “To ask if you’re going to be seeing JP tomorrow evening,” she said. “I called him a little while ago to see if he was going to be working in Hidden Creek tomorrow by any chance, because Chase needs help moving a big dresser out to our storage shed. I’ve decided I don’t want it in the baby’s room after all because it takes up almost a whole wall—but that’s another story.” Hannah scrunched her face and rubbed her growing belly. “Anyway, Chase thought if JP was going to be working here in town tomorrow, he could swing by on his way home to give him a hand.”

  She looked at me expectantly, but I just raised my brows and waited.

  “JP said he’s not working here, but he’ll be in the area later on and could come by a little before seven.”

  I tried to look innocent. “So? I’m sure he gets over this way quite a bit.”

  “Mmm, not so much, actually. Not unless he needs to be in the office here. So I was just really curious about what he has going on ‘in the area’ tomorrow night.”

  I pretended to be exasperated. “It’s bad enough that I have Ava always wanting to know my business. Now I have a nosey neighbor, too.”

  Hannah laughed. “Not even gonna deny it. Chase told me to mind my own business, but Lulu needed to go out anyway, so here I am.” That prompted her to look around me to check on the little dog, who was sitting hopefully by the cupboard where I kept a small box of doggie treats for her. “Are you seriously going to hold out on me, Myla? JP’s coming here, isn’t he?”

  I went over and got a treat for Lulu, whose eyes followed my every move.

  “If I said yes, would you think I’m the stupidest person in the world?” I asked, watching the little dog chew her bacon-y snack.

  “Why in the world would I think that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because he almost destroyed me once? Or, I guess I should say we almost destroyed each other.”

  Hannah pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. “I suppose that does complicate things. I don’t know details, mind you, but it’s common knowledge that it ended badly.” She studied me for a moment. “Okay, since I’m pregnant and seem to have lost my filter, I’m going to come right out and say this. You need to move on from whatever happened, Myla. It’s time. If you still have feelings for the man you might as well find out where they lead.”

  “What if I get destroyed again?”

  “What if you find the happiness you thought you lost?” she countered.

  I leaned back against the counter and shrugged.

  She continu
ed, “The way I see it, you can either keep on tiptoeing around it—flirting with the possibilities and then pulling back again because you’re scared—or you can flat-out go for it.”

  “Wow. You really don’t have a filter.” I smiled wryly and joined her at the table.

  “I just want what’s best for you both, and I think you need to give things another chance.”

  I chewed my lip for a moment, then levelled with her. “Then you’ll be happy to know I’ve decided to go for it. It’s terrifying, but I agree with what you just said. I have to either put myself out there and give it my all, or sit back and wonder what might have been if I’d only had the guts to go for it.”

  “And that’s not you,” Hannah said confidently. “You’re not the sit-back type.”

  I grimaced. “Well….I kinda am. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last four years anyway.”

  “Only when it comes to JP Keller. You’re obviously a go-getter when it comes to everything else. You wouldn’t have done so well in the army if you weren’t.”

  “I suppose.” I squared my shoulders and smiled at her. “Full disclosure. I’m making him dinner tomorrow. It’s my way of telling him I think I can get past the past. If that even makes sense.”

  Hannah’s face lit with a huge grin. “I knew it. I knew he was coming here. Good for you, Myla. You two definitely need to get things figured out. After Ava’s Christmas party I told Chase if there’d been any more sparks between the two of you, the house would’ve burnt up.”

  I shook my head, embarrassed. “Yeah, right. We barely spoke.”

  “I’m serious. Every time I looked at JP, he was looking at you. It was plain as day how he feels about you and I can’t tell you how happy I am to know you’re giving things another chance. He’s a really good guy.”

  Yeah, it was looking that way.

  We talked a little while longer, with Hannah encouraging me to just relax and let things happen as they were meant to. I gave Lulu another treat before they left, earning her undying loyalty and ensuring she’d be back soon—with or without Hannah, thanks to a hole somewhere under the fence that no one could find.

  Alone again, I dug a candy bar out of my chocolate stash and tried to come up with a menu for tomorrow while I ate it. When I remembered that JP had always been a big fan of my beef stew, the decision was made. I could put that in the slow cooker in the morning and serve it with a salad and bread. That would make a good, warm meal before we ventured out into the cold to hang lights. Then, when the job was done, we could come back inside for coffee and chocolate pie—another of his favorites.

  I wrote out a grocery list, feeling excited but also more apprehensive than I would’ve liked. Cooking was the easy part. I was comfortable in the kitchen and JP had always been easy to please when it came to food. His main requirement was that there was plenty of it.

  It was our interaction I was worried about. This would be our first attempt at looking to the future instead of the past, and I had no idea how it was going to go.

  ***

  When the doorbell rang the next evening I inhaled sharply, my heart skipping a beat. Maybe two.

  He’s here! I finally get to see him again!

  I hurried from the kitchen down the short hall to the front door. The cautious part of me wanted to pause and take a deep, calming breath before I opened it, but the part of me that simply wanted to see JP again had the upper hand. I pulled it open without hesitating, my heart pounding and my lips smiling when I laid eyes on him.

  “Hey.”

  He stood there in a black Carhartt coat, faded jeans, and black lace-up boots. His dark blond hair had that little bit of a tousled look I loved, and his blue eyes held a sparkle I loved even more.

  “Hey,” he replied, his smile slow and easy. “I hear the girl who lives here trades food for manual labor.”

  I laughed and stepped back so he could come in. “If you call hanging Christmas lights manual labor.”

  He unzipped his coat and shrugged it off. “Winter lights, you mean.”

  “Oh. Right.” I grinned and hung his coat in the closet near the door, trying not to ogle him. Not an easy feat considering how mouthwatering he looked in his white, long-sleeved thermal Henley.

  His eyes roamed around. “Nice place.”

  “It’s still a little grandmother-ish, but that’s okay with me. I prefer cozy and lived-in over modern and sterile.”

  “Me too.”

  “Come on back to the kitchen. Everything’s ready.”

  He walked a step behind me. “Something smells amazing. I hope you took into account how hungry I’d be when you were throwing things together.”

  I slanted him a glance as I took the lid off the slow-cooker. “I did. I also remembered how much you like home-made beef stew.”

  He peered over my shoulder. “And yours was always the best. I kinda feel like I’m in heaven right now.”

  Our easy banter allowed me to relax. I gave the stew a stir, then took a big stoneware bowl from a cupboard and put it beside the cooker.

  “You can dish that up,” I said, handing him a ladle. “I’ll slice the bread.”

  He readily obliged as I took the loaf of Italian bread from the oven. I put thick slices in a basket with a cheerful red-checked cloth and we carried the items over to the table where I’d already laid out place settings and glasses. I returned to the fridge for the salad and pitcher of iced tea, then we sat down across from each other.

  “Dig in,” I said, motioning to the stew.

  He hesitated. “Do you mind if I say grace? Jude got me into the habit and now I don’t feel right eating without saying thanks first.”

  I tried to hide my surprise. When we were together, I’d often bowed my head to say a quick, silent prayer before we ate, but JP never had. Now I’d given it up completely and JP was the one praying. It made me feel disappointed in myself.

  “I don’t mind,” I said, quickly bowing my head and closing my eyes.

  “Uh-uh, Myla. We have to do it right.”

  I looked back up to see he had both of his hands palm up in the middle of the table.

  “You and Jude hold hands when you pray?”

  “When Ava’s with us.”

  “Ava’s not here,” I said, to be contrary.

  “Come on, Myla. Hold my hands while I give thanks for this delicious meal.”

  I slowly brought my hands up and placed them in his. His warm fingers curled around mine, bringing back so many memories. Good memories. We’d spent a lot of time holding hands.

  He smiled, then bowed his head and said a simple but sincere prayer, thanking God for His love and care, the beautiful day, and for me and the food I’d prepared. He ended by asking God to bless our time together. Amen.

  I wanted to thank him for the lovely prayer but emotion clogged my throat. Instead, I pushed the bowl of stew in his direction and took a few swallows of tea while he filled his plate.

  “Did you help Chase with the dresser?” I asked when I felt like my voice would come out sounding normal. Which it mostly did.

  He raised a brow as he buttered his bread. “How’d you know about that?”

  I chuckled. “Hannah came over last night fishing for information. She’d figured out you were coming over here because you told Chase you were going to be in the area.”

  “Ah, so that’s why she had a smug smile on her face the whole time I was there.”

  “Nosey neighbors,” I said in mock exasperation.

  He bit into his bread, chewed, and swallowed. “They sure are stoked about the baby. Hard to believe it’ll be here in two months.”

  “Maybe less. Hannah said both her sister’s kids came early. She says that can run in the family.”

  We stayed on that subject for a little while, laughing about Hannah constantly changing her mind about the nursery decor. JP thought the baby would be a girl, and I thought a boy. Then we talked about what he was working on at work, including a bid for a medical clinic he
and Jude were doing together, which they needed to submit in a few weeks. JP was an engineer and Jude a project supervisor, but both of them had a keen interest in design as well. For this project, they were putting their heads together because they had some stiff competition and wanted to come up with something that would really stand out. They’d been provided the architect’s plan, which is what everyone else would be basing their bids on, but JP and Jude were going to go out on a limb and suggest some major changes to the layout. They were convinced it would not only be a more usable structure but would also look better and come in under budget.

  “Howard’s giving us free rein,” he said, referring to the owner of Owens Construction, who was also their uncle and Chase’s father. “He said the bids on the job as it’s drawn up now are going to come in so close whoever gets it will be hard-pressed to make a decent profit. So if we lose it, it won’t hurt much. But if they go for the design changes and we get the job, it could be a really good project all around.”

  “You’ll get it,” I said, and I truly believed it. JP and Jude Keller seemed an unstoppable team.

  JP had three helpings of stew, declaring it every bit as tasty as he remembered. I promised him dessert but said it had to wait until after our light project. Which he said was fine with him because he was stuffed anyway.

  It only took us a few minutes to take care of the dishes, then we bundled up and went out to the front porch. JP efficiently unwound the lights he’d put up so perfectly, then handed the neat roll to me.

  “Hold these for a sec. I need to get something from my truck.”

  I tucked the lights under my arm and waited, shoving my gloved hands into my coat pockets. It was a cold night—maybe we should have waited to do this on the weekend when we could work while the sun was out.

  JP strode back toward me, illuminated by my porch light. I enjoyed the sight. The man had a seriously sexy walk, the loose-limbed, graceful gait of a natural athlete. I looked but I couldn’t detect any limp from his accident, which was amazing considering how badly he’d been hurt.

  “What’s in the bag?” I asked as he approached.