Help Me, Hold Me Read online

  She finished loading the dishwasher and walked back over to the table, where he sat staring out the window, the longing to be outside working his beloved ranch so clear in his faded blue eyes.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked gently. “Do you want to try to sleep some more, or just watch TV?”

  He rested his elbows on the table and rubbed his face with his hands. “I dunno,” he said wearily. “If I sleep more now, it’ll be worse trying to sleep tonight.”

  “But you need your rest. If you can’t get it at night, you shouldn’t feel bad about sleeping during the day.”

  “I just wish I knew why I have nights like last night,” he said, his frustration obvious. “It’s not that I’m in more pain than usual, I just can’t settle down. I can’t turn my mind off. I hate that you have to stay up with me, but I don’t like to be alone, either.”

  “Please don’t worry about me, Grandpa. I’m young, I can handle some lost sleep. Especially since Quinn has been putting in more hours with the horses. Thanks for taking him on full-time. It makes a big difference.”

  “He’s a good kid,” Jeremiah said. “We’re lucky to have him.”

  “Is that why you tell him everything he’s doing wrong whenever you get a chance?” Callie asked with a knowing smile.

  Jeremiah waved a hand. “He already knows what he’s doing right. No reason to waste my breath on that. Better to pass on what I know to him while I can. He might not always want to hear it, but deep down he appreciates it.”

  “Yeah, I think he does actually. I’m going to miss him when he heads back to college in the fall.”

  Jeremiah looked at her, his eyes full of shadows. He cleared his throat and Callie tensed, knowing he was going to talk about something he’d rather not.

  “Are you going to stay here at the ranch, my girl? When I’m gone?” He gave her a sad smile. “I’m not trying to pressure you, I want you to do what you want to do. I’m just curious. You know the Double Nickel and everything else I have will go to you regardless of where you end up.”

  Callie felt like her throat was closing up and she swallowed against the tightness, forcing herself to take a long, slow breath and relax the muscles. She’d gotten pretty good at holding back her tears on the rare occasions when her grandpa wanted to talk about the future, but it took a lot of effort.

  “Of course I’m going to stay here,” she said finally, her voice sounding close to normal. “I tried the city, remember? Six months was all I could handle.”

  He grunted. “Lucky for me.”

  She laughed. “You hardly had time to miss me. I know you wanted me to experience life away from the ranch to make sure this is what I truly want, but I pretty much hated every minute of it. It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.”

  “All the same, it was important,” Jeremiah stated. “Although I wish I’d done better about putting you in charge of things around here once you got back, while I was still able to get out there and teach you. I guess it was just hard for me to realize you were all grown up and ready for that responsibility. Now it’s almost too late, and I sure am sorry about that.”

  Callie gave him a warning look. “Stop it, Grandpa. Stop apologizing.”

  He sighed heavily, pressing a thumb and finger against his eyes. “Just know I appreciate you, Callie-girl. And I’m glad to know you won’t be leaving this place anytime soon. The ranch has been in Green hands for four generations. You’ll be the fifth. That makes me happy and proud.”

  She reached over and took his frail hands in hers. “It makes me happy, too, Grandpa. Just don’t rush it, okay? We still have a lot of time together.”

  He looked like he wanted to argue the point, but thankfully he didn’t. The last thing Callie wanted to hear was that he didn’t think he had much longer.

  “One last thing,” he said gruffly. “You should be in pretty good shape financially. We’ve had a good cash flow most years with the cattle and the horses, and I don’t have any debt.” He gave a satisfied smile. “That’s the advantage of keeping the land in the family. The main ranch was paid off a long time ago, and I paid mostly cash for the parcels I’ve added.”

  Callie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She understood him wanting to ease her mind, but she didn’t want to talk about what it would be like when he was gone. It made her feel way too emotional—especially considering her lack of sleep—and she didn’t want to burst into tears and upset him more than he already was.

  “I’ll deal with all that when the time comes,” she said, warding off any more talk on the subject. “Let’s get you settled in your recliner, then I’ll make you some tea.”

  He nodded and pushed slowly to his feet. Callie went to the stove and turned on the burner under the tea kettle she always kept at the ready. It had taken Jeremiah a while to make the switch from coffee to the herbal tea that was easier on his stomach, but he enjoyed it now, and drank several cups a day.

  Callie made sure he was comfortable in his chair, with the TV remote and magazines on the table beside him. When he had finished his tea and dozed off, she went back out to the kitchen table and opened her laptop. After yawning three times in the space of a minute, she got up again and made some coffee. If she was going to stay awake long enough to get some quality work time in, she was going to need it.

  She opened the spreadsheet she’d been building for ordering all the ranch supplies. Jeremiah kept everything in his head, and he could rattle off exactly what was needed at any given time. Callie didn’t have all those years of management to draw on, so she wanted to automate the process as much as possible. She was in the process of developing a spreadsheet with a list of all the supplies and their preferred vendors, along with a history of the dates and quantities of all the orders over the last year or so. Her goal was to be able to access the spreadsheet from her phone and update current orders when she was out working, and eventually she hoped their two full-time ranch hands would make use of it as well.

  Jeremiah had been right—he should have started giving her responsibilities sooner. But there’d been college, then his first battle with cancer, then more college and her stint in Minneapolis after she’d graduated. Once she returned to the ranch she’d started working more closely with him on the day to day tasks. Thankfully those came naturally to her, a result of growing up working with the horses and cattle. But the management aspect, as well as the crop growing part of it, was far more challenging, and he hadn’t spent much time showing her those ropes.

  She picked up her mug of coffee and went to check on Jeremiah, looking across the room at him as he slept in his chair. His face was so thin and pinched, and she blinked back tears as her heart swelled with love and sadness. It was hard to watch him suffer. His pain never completely left, although the medicine he took made it manageable. At least so far.

  Callie closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall. How was she ever going to handle the next couple of months? What would life be like without him? How was she going to say goodbye to the man who had loved her so well for so long?

  It was too hard to even think about. She had to believe God had the answers to those questions, because she certainly didn’t.

  CHAPTER 3

  When Callie got to the retreat center the next morning just before seven, she was shocked to find Brittany was already there and had both horses saddled up and ready to go. Her friend grinned when she saw the surprise on Callie’s face.

  “I woke up early for a change, so I thought I might as well come over and make myself useful.”

  Callie raised her brows, knowing there was a little more to it than that. “I don’t suppose you took a slow drive past the guest staff cabins while you were at it?”

  Brit giggled. “No. I thought about it, though. I’m still so disappointed I didn’t get to see him yesterday. Rose and I hung out in the cafeteria for an hour before we gave up. Then of course ten minutes after we left, Rose got a text from Allison—you know, that red-head who work
s in the kitchen? She said Vince and Boone were both there, but we were already almost home, so we didn’t come back.”

  “You’re here every day, I’m sure you’ll get your chance soon,” Callie assured her before changing the subject, because she didn’t feel like getting into another discussion about Vince Abbot. “Let’s get these eager boys outside and let them run. Do you have a preference?”

  “I’ll take Phoenix. I know you and Comet have a thing for each other.”

  “Only because we’re both the quiet, stubborn type,” Callie said with a laugh.

  She pushed the back door open on its rails, and they led the horses outside into the fresh, still-cool morning air. On days like this, it took no effort whatsoever to appreciate the beauty of God’s creation. Mornings were Callie’s favorite time of day anyway, and sunny June ones were hard to beat.

  “How far are we going?” Brit asked.

  “Let’s head out along the north-east fence. Maybe I can get a look at some of the Full Heart Ranch calves. One of our ranch hands said Virgil Desmond has some fancy new bulls that are siring some incredible looking calves.”

  Brit rolled her eyes teasingly. “You’re the only girl I know who gets excited about bulls and calves. You’re becoming such a rancher, Callie.”

  “I hope so,” Callie said seriously, “otherwise I’ll screw up and lose everything my ancestors built.” She closed the barn door and they both mounted up.

  “That’s not going to happen,” Brit said confidently. “You’ve never failed at anything you’ve set out to do, and the ranch won’t be any different.”

  “Let’s hope you’re right. All I know is I could use about ten more years with Grandpa to make sure.”

  “Don’t think about all that now. Let’s just enjoy this beautiful morning while we can. Then, when we get back, I’m going to resume my hunt for Vince Abbot.”

  Callie had to laugh. “Better luck this time. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll pick up your slack in the stables again.”

  “Hey, this ride should buy me at least an hour,” Brit protested. “I should be able to track Vince down in that amount of time.”

  “My guess is he’ll be at the ice rink. And if he is, I don’t think you’ll be the only girl sitting in the stands checking him out.”

  Brittany tossed her head, her long blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight. “I’m not afraid of a little competition,” she declared. “All I need is a fair chance.”

  That was usually true—when given the chance, Brit almost always got her man. However, Callie thought her friend might have her work cut out for her this time. Vince Abbot was in a class all by himself, and even Brittany had never aimed quite so high.

  ***

  Vince had gotten up early to “ride the range” with Boone on the Full Heart Ranch. At least, that’s what Vince was calling it. Boone simply called it checking the cattle, which didn’t sound nearly wild-west-cowboy enough for Vince, nor did it justify the impressive Stetson hat he’d purchased and was currently wearing for the first time. The fact that they were riding in a utility ATV called a Gator instead of on horseback also took away from the cowboy aspect, but Boone had told him he needed to be patient. They’d start small, and build up to the bigger stuff.

  The morning sunlight was just starting to warm the air as they headed toward a herd of cattle that appeared as dots in the distance. Vince was trying his best to follow Boone’s monologue on the merits of using actual bulls versus artificial insemination.

  Apparently there was quite a list of pros and cons, and even though his friend was quite passionate about how to produce the best bovine offspring, Vince was having trouble concentrating on the subject. He was too enthralled with the beauty that surrounded them on all sides. The clear, light blue sky, the rippling expanses of grass with no concrete in sight, and a skyline marked by the occasional rugged butte instead of man-made towers. Beautiful, and so peaceful.

  “You’re not listening,” Boone accused, pretending to be peeved. “You said you want to learn all about ranching, but you’re not paying any attention to what I’m saying.”

  “I’m just trying to take all this in,” Vince said, gesturing at the wide-open spaces surrounding them. “It makes me feel pretty stupid for choosing to live in the city. How can you stand to leave this every fall when training camp starts?”

  “Believe me, if I could play pro hockey from here I’d do it in a second,” Boone said emphatically. “When I’m old and decrepit and have to give up the game, I’ll at least have this to look forward to.”

  “You mean you aren’t old yet?” Vince teased, even though there was only a five year age difference between him and his friend. “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “Keep talking,” Boone said evenly. “I’ll make you eat your words when we hit the ice later.”

  Vince chuckled, knowing the team captain would likely do exactly that. He reached up to adjust his hat just as his attention was caught by two figures on horseback a little way ahead. He watched them closely, envious that they were on horses while he was stuck in the Gator.

  Boone was driving fast, and even though the riders were moving at a gallop, the two men slowly closed the distance between them.

  “Whoa,” Vince muttered appreciatively when they were close enough to see long hair flying out behind the riders. “Are those real live cowgirls?”

  Boone laughed as he squinted into the sunlight. “They’re girls on horses, but that doesn’t necessarily make them cowgirls. I think those are therapy horses, so it’s probably some interns or volunteers giving them a run.”

  Vince forgot all about the cattle they were supposed to be checking on. He couldn’t look away from the two girls who were riding as if they’d been born in the saddle. They were still a distance away and the men only had a view from behind, but it was a mesmerizing one.

  The horses began to slow and Boone let up on the gas so he wouldn’t approach too fast and spook them.

  “That’s a beautiful sight,” Vince said appreciatively. “It’s almost like they’re a part of the horses. I’ve never seen anyone ride like that.”

  Boone chuckled. “I guess we kept you holed up in the PT rooms and the ice rink too much last summer.”

  “Can you ride like that?” Vince wondered.

  “I like to think so, but it’s not like I’ve ever watched tape of it.”

  “You have to teach me,” Vince said. Then he laughed. “Better yet, maybe one of those two can teach me.”

  The horses tossed their heads and pranced a little as they were reined in to a brisk walk. The sound of the girls’ laughter carried back to the men, making Vince smile. He couldn’t see their faces, but he loved the picture they made in their jeans and boots, sitting tall on their horses, swaying gracefully with the motion of the big animals. They weren’t wearing hats, and their hair hung wild down their backs, halfway to the slim hips settled comfortably in their saddles.

  With the horses at a walk, Boone closed in quickly. “Ah, I think that’s Callie Green. She’s a local girl who helps out with the horses when the stable boss is gone.”

  “The blonde?” Vince asked.

  “No, the dark haired one. Not sure who the other one is.”

  The blonde girl heard the Gator and turned to look over her shoulder. She did a double-take, then turned back and said something to her friend. Vince couldn’t help but grin. She was just as pretty as he’d hoped.

  “Settle down,” Boone said knowingly. “You promised you wouldn’t make any waves here. If you charm every girl on the ranch, no one’s going to get any work done.”

  “I’m just appreciating the beautiful view,” Vince said, “and it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly to just drive on by without saying hi, would it?”

  “Just behave yourself. You’re reformed, remember? No more love ’em and leave ’em ladies' man antics. You promised Jolene and me your next girlfriend will be wife material.”

  “I’m just admiring the scenery.”

 
Vince sat up straighter as they pulled even with the girls, stopping when the horses did. He returned the blonde’s excited grin with an easy smile.

  Boone swung out of the Gator and Vince followed his lead, removing the hat at the last second and leaving it on the seat, because he suddenly felt a little silly wearing it when he’d never even been on a horse.

  “Morning, ladies,” Boone said warmly. “I thought that was you, Callie. You’re at it early this morning.”

  Callie was hidden from view behind her friend, but Vince was getting some prolonged eye contact with the blonde, thinking maybe country girls were what had been missing from his life all these years.

  “Hey, Boone. Good to have you back at the ranch.”

  The soft voice with just a hint of a drawl snagged Vince’s attention. He looked away from the blonde and took a step to the side so he could see the other girl. His gaze locked onto big, gorgeous, light green eyes, with lashes so dark and thick they looked almost fake.

  The effect was immediate. He felt his heart do a slow roll and for a moment, he forgot to breathe.

  “It’s good to be back,” Boone said, causing the girl to quickly shift her attention back to him. “This is my teammate, Vince Abbot. He’ll be spending most of the summer here, helping out in the ice rink. He also thinks he wants to be a cowboy, but I’m afraid that’ll take a lot more than just a summer.” He looked at Vince and grinned slyly, then turned back to the girls. “Vince, this is Callie Green, and—” he looked apologetically at the other girl. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

  “Brittany Holden,” she said quickly. “I’m so glad to meet you guys. I’m a huge hockey fan. I watch your games all the time.”

  Vince smiled up at her. “That’s good to know. I didn’t think a little town like Barlow would have many fans.”

  Callie, spoke up again, her voice as stirring as before. “I doubt there were many before Boone came to town, but now we’re all obsessed.” She smiled at Boone, and Vince found himself wishing it was directed at him. “Good season, by the way. The Cup is yours next year.”