My Heart is Home Read online

“Morning, sunshine,” she said when I opened the door.

  “Morning, guys. You really didn’t have to pick me up, you know. I’m fully capable of driving myself to church.”

  “I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t decide to stay in bed,” Ava said with a grin, turning sideways in her seat so she could look back. “It’s the Christmas service and you can’t miss it. I hear the children’s department has a great little skit planned.”

  “I wouldn’t have stayed in bed,” I assured her. “I’ve caught the Christmas spirit.”

  “Really? That’s good to hear.” She shifted around so she was facing forward again, then looked furtively at Jude, raising her brows as if asking him a question. He gave a little shrug in return, and then she turned sideways again. “Okay, I have a question for you, Myla.”

  I eyed her shrewdly, my guard up due to their silent exchange. “Is it one I’m not going to like?”

  “Quite possibly, but I still want you to say yes.”

  I narrowed my eyes and waited for her to spit it out.

  “Jude and I have decided to have a Christmas party for close friends and family. I know it’s short notice, but I’ve already talked to most of the people we want to invite, and they can all come.” She gave me a hopeful smile. “It’s on Saturday evening. Can you come, too?”

  I knew right away why she’d been hesitant to ask me. "Close friends and family" meant JP would be there.

  My heart started racing at the mere thought of seeing him again. I remembered all too vividly how it had felt to sit beside him on the porch step. The warmth radiating from his big body. The scent of his soap. The sound of his voice.

  I turned my face to the window but I saw none of the passing scenery. “I don’t know, Ava. I’ll think about it.”

  “We’d really like you to come,” Jude said. “He’s my brother and you’re Ava’s best friend. It would be nice if we didn’t have to choose one or the other when we plan things.”

  His voice was gentle but firm, and I knew what he was saying came from a good place. I also knew he was right. JP and I had to learn to coexist.

  A week ago, before the conversation on the porch, I would’ve dug my heels in and told them I wasn’t ready. But now I thought maybe I was. And a group setting would take a lot of the pressure off—I wouldn’t have to talk to JP at all if I didn’t want to.

  “Okay, I’ll come,” I said quietly. “What should I bring?”

  Ava gave me a brilliant smile. “You’re the greatest, Myla. I’m so proud of you. Just bring some Christmas cookies. Everything else is covered.”

  “Cookies it is,” I said, looking out the window again. I knew I’d be dreading the party something awful come Saturday afternoon, but for now I felt like accepting was the right thing to do.

  When we got out of the car at the church, Ava stuck her arm through mine and we leaned into each other as we walked across the parking lot.

  “I’m so glad you moved back,” she said. “Remember when we were kids and we always talked about living together when we grew up? We never actually made it to being roommates, but this is almost as good.”

  “Yeah, it is. Do you ever think about how different your life would be if your grandma hadn’t left you her house? You’d have never moved to Hidden Creek and met Jude.”

  “I shudder to think about it,” she said, sounding properly horrified. A moment later she added, “Your life would be different too, you know. Without my wedding to bring you back to Hidden Creek you would’ve reenlisted in the army and stayed in Arizona. I think you’re a lot happier here, so it turns out we both owe Grandma big.”

  Jude opened the church door and smiled down at us. “I owe her too,” he said before leaning over to kiss his wife, not caring who might see.

  ***

  Hannah’s cookie exchange was a blast. There were ten of us there and the cookies were amazing. We listened to the Christmas music playlist Hannah had put together as we drank hot spiced cider, sampled the wares, and chatted up a storm. Eventually we got around to packing our cookie boxes to take home.

  I walked back to my house through our adjoining front yards, my box of cookies tucked under my arm. I plopped down on the porch swing and stared at my beautiful lights yet again. Maybe I’d leave them up year-round so my evening ritual didn’t have to end.

  Almost without thinking I took my phone out of my pocket and opened my contact list. I’d long since deleted every text I’d ever exchanged with JP, but I’d never removed him from the contacts. Did he have the same number? Would it be crazy to send him a text? Would he respond if I did?

  After staring at his name for a while, I switched to the camera and took a picture of the lights. We’d had a few more inches of snow the night before and it still sat on the railings and covered some of the bulbs. Their glow shone through it like a true Christmas card photo. I stared at the picture for a long time, until I felt my fingers stiffening from the cold.

  I opened a new text screen and typed “JP.” His number popped up and I tapped to choose it. I copied in the picture I’d just taken and then hesitated, not knowing what to say to go with it. I finally just started typing.

  Me: Thanks for doing this. They make me really happy.

  I tapped send before I could change my mind, regretted it instantly, and went inside feeling all torn up.

  Why had I done that? What did I hope for in return? Was I trying to start something, or just making a friendly overture so we could get through Ava’s party without staring daggers across the room?

  Angrily, I tossed my phone onto the couch and left it there while I went to put away my cookies. I would not stare at it, waiting for a response. I would not let myself be disappointed if I didn’t get one.

  Yeah. Right.

  Five minutes later I was done holding out. I hurried to the living room and retrieved the phone, my heart pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears.

  My lock screen showed a reply and my hands shook as I swiped up to open it.

  JP: I’m glad. Seeing your name pop up on my phone made ME really happy.

  I didn’t reply. But I wanted to.

  Chapter 7

  A

  s predicted, I was a nervous wreck all day Saturday. I started getting ready for the party way too early, and even though I took forever trying to decide what to wear, I still ended up with an hour to kill before it was time to leave.

  Hannah had called that morning to offer me a ride and I’d accepted, thinking it would be silly for both of us to drive. Now I was second-guessing that. What if I had a reason—a JP-sized reason—to cut out early, with no way to do it? I considered calling her back to say I was going to drive myself, but I knew no matter what excuse I gave, Hannah would see through it.

  I’d just have to tough it out, regardless of what happened with JP.

  Ava had said the party was casual but not jeans-casual. I’d chosen my go-to black pants and boots and a deep red tunic-style top made of a silky fabric that flowed down from a Grecian neckline to the tops of my thighs. The red was a good choice for a Christmas party and I knew the cut flattered my body type.

  At five eight I was a little on the tall side, and thankfully it didn’t take much effort to keep my body toned. A few runs per week and some occasional work with the set of weights I kept in the spare room upstairs was my normal exercise regimen. I was definitely more slender than curvy, which made me feel a little self-conscious when I was in a bikini around more well-endowed girls….. but JP hadn’t had any complaints. Only compliments.

  I went to the mirror again and fussed with my hair a little more. It was dark brown and a good four inches below my shoulder blades. If I let it air dry it had some natural wave to it, but tonight I’d given it big, loose, spirally curls. It looked shiny and soft. Touchable. Maybe it would make JP remember how he’d always had his hands in it. Especially before he kissed me. He’d weave his fingers through it and tilt my head back…..

  I quickly shut down that train of thought, gl
aring at the mirror. Now was not the time to get caught up in those kinds of memories—not when I was going to be seeing JP in a little over an hour. If I wasn’t careful he’d take one look at me and know exactly what I was thinking.

  He’d always been able to tell when I wanted him close. His lips on mine. And he’d always been happy to oblige…

  Oh man, there I went again. This was not good.

  I quickly added dangly gold earrings and a couple of long necklaces to my outfit, then went downstairs to plate my cookies and wait for my ride. I was done thinking about kissing JP Keller.

  ***

  The half-hour drive to Ava and Jude’s helped to settle me down a bit. Hannah was seven months pregnant and she kept me entertained by telling me all about the doctor appointment she’d had that day. First, a woman’s water had broken in the reception area of the doctor’s office, and then the woman in the examining room next to Hannah’s had had a loud freak-out when she found out she was having twins.

  Hannah was a great storyteller and she had Chase and me laughing most of the way to Mountain View. By the time we pulled up to the house I felt relaxed and ready to take on the evening, JP included.

  Ava greeted us at the door with excited hugs. She didn’t have a lot of experience with entertaining yet, but she must have inherited some of her socialite mother’s skill because the house looked simply beautiful. A fire crackled in the huge stone fireplace in the corner and a tastefully decorated ten-foot Christmas tree stood beside it, in front of the wall-to-wall windows. Three long tables and chairs were set up in the middle of the room, covered in festive red and silver tablecloths. There were lots of greens, pinecones, and poinsettias all around the house, and flickering candles everywhere.

  My quick scan of the room revealed that JP wasn’t there yet. At first I felt relieved, glad to have a little more time to prepare myself. Then I started wondering if he’d decided not to come after all. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be in the same room with me in front of so many people, his parents included.

  I hoped that wasn’t the case. I wanted to see him. Badly.

  “You can put your cookies at the far end of the food table,” Ava told me. “Then come help me fill the wassail cups.”

  I looked toward the kitchen and inhaled appreciatively. “Grandma Gwen’s recipe?”

  “Of course,” she said. “It’s not Christmas without her wassail. Jude’s already a big fan.”

  “I can’t wait. I haven’t had it in so long.”

  The front door opened and Ava’s head swiveled that direction.

  “Oh good, the new couple from church just got here. Brady and Heather. Start filling the cups without me, okay? I need to go introduce them around.”

  “No problem, I’m glad to have something to do. And it’s gorgeous in here, by the way. I’m proud of you, girl.”

  She gave me a wide-eyed look. “I had so much fun with this, can you believe it? I’m becoming my mother!”

  “Oh please no!” I said in mock horror.

  She giggled and rushed off. I went straight over to the steaming pot on the stove, where the aromatic mixture of apple cider, orange juice, honey, cinnamon sticks, cloves, allspice and nutmeg simmered. Ava and I had helped her grandma make wassail many times, and to me the scent was pure Christmas.

  I found a strainer for the spices, then carefully ladled the liquid into the carafe Ava had set out on the counter. I was pouring the first cup when I heard JP’s voice over by the door. My heart jumped painfully and half of the wassail missed the cup. Thankfully I was alone in the kitchen and able to clean it up before anyone noticed.

  I continued my pouring, refusing to look in his direction. All my nervousness had returned, complete with no small amount of stomach churning—and that was just from hearing his voice. What would happen when I actually laid eyes on him?

  I wanted to put off that moment as long as possible. I emptied the carafe, then set the filled cups out on the island where Ava had the other beverages. She breezed by and asked me to also pour some coffee, and I was beyond relieved to have another job that kept me in the kitchen.

  As I was finishing with the coffee, Jude walked to the head of the food table and got everyone’s attention. He thanked us all for coming and said how meaningful it was for him and Ava to celebrate their first Christmas season together with the people most special to them. Then he led us in a beautiful prayer, thanking God for sending His son Jesus to bestow upon us the gifts of grace and salvation.

  I got choked up as I listened. I knew God was once again nudging me in the direction I needed to go, but now was not the time for that kind of introspection. Getting through the evening was as much as I could handle right now.

  After the prayer, everyone descended on the food table. Ava had made a lot of food herself, but the guests had contributed dishes as well, making for lots of choices. Ava had also decorated the table beautifully, and everyone oohed and ahhed over it, making her beam.

  People started going down both sides of the table, and those waiting formed a makeshift line. I hung toward the back, chatting with Whitney and her husband, Scott. I heard JP teasingly ask if he could take two plates, and Ava assured him he could go back for seconds.

  I took advantage of his focus on the food, finally allowing my hungry gaze to seek him out. I was careful to keep my expression neutral, but the sight of him hit me hard. No one had ever looked so good to me and I almost resented it. Was he really so handsome, or did my feelings for him function as a sort of filter that smoothed out any flaws?

  I felt Whitney nudge my arm and when I looked at her, she was also looking at JP. “I feel ya, girl,” she whispered. “It should be a crime to look that good.”

  I gave her a wry smile. Evidently my expression hadn’t been as neutral as I thought and she’d seen right through me. Furthermore, her comment ruled out my filter theory. JP was just flat-out gorgeous no matter who was doing the looking.

  Scott said something that took Whitney’s attention away from me, so I went back to watching JP. He wore gray slacks that fit him to perfection and a thin navy sweater that I knew was the exact color of his eyes. His dark blond hair was thick and slightly tousled—just the way I liked it. Scruff a few shades darker than his hair covered his strong jaw and my fingertips itched to touch it.

  I was already approaching the point of drooling when he smiled at something the person beside him said. JP’s smile had always been my favorite thing to see, and I had to turn away after that. A girl can only take so much.

  “Oh I almost forgot to tell you,” Whitney said, back to talking to me again. “I was talking to Yvonne—you know, Principal Correll? She told me she’s had super good reports about your subbing work. Teachers have actually started requesting you to be their fill-in. Yvonne was wondering if you’d be applying for a full-time position next year.”

  I was so thrilled to hear that I forgot all about JP for a moment. “Oh my word, yes! Tell her I’ll definitely be applying.”

  “What grade would be your first choice?”

  “Well, I heard Teresa Roth is going to request moving from second to fifth grade, and I got excited about that because second grade is my first choice. I’ll take anything, though.”

  “I’ll pass that on. I think you’re a shoe-in,” Whitney said confidently.

  I grinned. “I hope so. It would be so great to have my own classroom and teach the same kids every day. And to develop my own lesson plans. I’m learning so much from subbing and I know it’ll help me in the long run, but jumping around from grade to grade is a challenge.”

  “I always knew you were born to be a teacher,” Whitney said smugly. “It’s taken a while, but you’re finally doing what you’re meant to do.”

  That made me smile even bigger, and then I looked over at the food table again and inadvertently caught JP’s eye. He was watching me while he waited for the line to move, and when our eyes met, a corner of his mouth curled up just enough to tell me he was glad to see me.

/>   I caught my breath and quickly looked away. I was glad to see him too, but not quite ready for him to know it.

  I made sure I watched where he sat, my intent being to choose a different table. However, because I was at the back of the line, there were limited spots available by the time I’d filled my plate. My choices were directly across from JP or three chairs down from him, beside his sister, Janna.

  Yikes. Although Janna and I had been close when JP and I were dating, I obviously hadn’t talked to her since. Sitting with her might be awkward, but it was way better than plopping down right across from JP.

  I set my plate down and Janna looked up, her face splitting into a wide smile when she saw me.

  “Oh my gosh, Myla! It’s really you!” Thankfully she kept her voice down so she didn’t draw unnecessary attention.

  “It’s good to see you, Janna,” I said, taking my seat. “You look great. Are you still working at the women’s shelter? What’s the name again?”

  She nodded. “It’s called Find Your Rest, and believe it or not, I’m the assistant director now.”

  “That’s actually very easy to believe,” I said honestly. Even as a new college graduate, back when I’d known her, she’d had a heart for abused women along with great business sense. I would’ve been more surprised if she hadn’t been promoted.

  “Aw, thanks, it’s been going really well,” she told me. “We had a new house donated to our organization last month, and it’s so awesome. It needs a lot of work but we’re hoping to save money by having volunteers do most of it. That means it’ll take longer, but when it’s finished we’ll be able to double our capacity.”

  “I’d love to see it sometime. Maybe I could even help. I’m not great with power tools but I’m pretty good at painting.”

  “I’m gonna hold you to that,” Janna said enthusiastically. “It’s a huge house and there’ll be lots of painting to do in a couple of months.”

  We chatted easily while we ate and I ended up being really glad the seat beside her had been empty. I doubted things would be quite so easy when it came time to greet JP’s parents, but I was determined to at least say hi before the evening ended. They’d always been so warm and loving toward me and ignoring them would be petty.